The Power of Love

Married couples share what it takes to make a marriage work 

In the opening line of Stevie Wonder’s 1982 adroit song “Ribbon in the Sky,” the 25-time Grammy winner penned, “Oh, so long for this night I prayed, that a star would guide you my way, to share with me this special day, where are ribbons in the sky for our love?”

As the song progresses, Wonder explicates the concept of love, saying: “We can’t lose with God on our side, we’ll find strength in each tear we cry.”

Romantic love is an abstract concept that means different things to different people. There are those who share the opinion that romantic love simply means being infatuated with someone, unbonded to trust and commitments. Others feel that love is being committed to one person with a shared vision of honesty, trust and understanding. Regardless the lens people choose to see through, it is irrefutable that no golden rule applies to everyone. 

Curtis and Judy Brown of Blue Ridge met as young teenagers in high school. Because they grew up together, by the time they began to seriously date one another, both understood their partner and accepted them for who they were.

“To me, love has always meant that you can feed off of each other and connect in different ways but have the same results, and have patience with each other,” Judy said.

Life differs significantly from when the Browns got married 45 years ago. “Things are a lot faster today and more dangerous with the violence and the pandemic. Technology is more advanced than anyone from our generation could have imagined, especially in terms of communicating and staying connected with loved ones,” Curtis said. “Over the years, we have learned how to cope with what life throws our way, whether it is good or bad.”

Reminiscing on her wedding day, Judy said, “What a wonderful day that was as were the days to come. How my life would be changing suddenly. How different life would be as a married person versus being single and what would the future hold. Having God in our lives made everything easy.”

After nearly five decades together, Curtis and Judy, both retired, are still making memories. Some of their most cherished memories over the years would be the birth of their children and watching them grow into college graduates and productive members of society, a cruise Judy won at work, their five grandchildren, traveling to Switzerland and Paris and experiencing the 2004 NBA All-Star Weekend in Los Angeles, another trip Judy won from work.

Stacey Smith and her husband James have been married for 18 years. The Smiths say they didn’t fall in love, they grew in love. Elaborating on precisely what that means, James explained, “Unlike falling in love, growing in love is a deliberate choice. It certainly takes time. Time for both parties to endure adversity and still choose each other.”

More than her best friend and biggest cheerleader, James takes tremendous pride in being his wife’s peace. Because her love language is words of affirmation, he makes sure to regularly convey his feelings and gratitude through written letters and cards.

Like most couples, there are certain things that the Smiths are diametrically opposed to with sports being at the top of the list. While James is somewhat of a connoisseur, Stacey could care less about who wins the NFL Super Bowl or NBA Finals.

Without honesty and open communication, Stacey says her marriage never would have lasted. “I love my husband with every fiber in my being, but it would be a fallacy to say that we never endured any hardships,” she said. “Because we are both patient and understanding, never has there been a situation too big for us to handle. I’ll watch a game with him if he asks, but at this point, he knows that it would only be because he asked.”

James conservatively estimates that he’s had roughly 5,000 arguments during his marriage. Never once, he said, did I ever cross the line of raising my voice or hand at her.

Marriage was not a smooth transition for Carlos Anderson. When he initially proposed to his then-girlfriend in college after two years of dating, she turned him down out of fear that they were rushing things.

The capacity to accept rejection and still pursue a future with said individual is a quality not everyone possesses. Had it not been for his persistence, Sabrina says she’s not sure she would have ever agreed to spend the rest of her life with Carlos.  

“From as far back as I can remember, my parents instilled in me that it takes more than love to make a relationship work. I always liked Carlos, but speaking honestly, it took me some time before I fell in love with him,” Sabrina explained, adding, “His consistency won me over. How he treated and respected me never wavered on whether or not I said what he wanted to hear. This year we will celebrate nine years of marriage.”  

In Carlos’ cell phone, he has his wife saved as “strawberry kiss.” Why? Because their first date was at a movie theater and afterward, they went for strawberry ice cream and had their first smooch.

Some feel that living together before getting married is a mistake. For Sabrina and Carlos, they both agreed early on that for their relationship to have the best chance of making it, they should just jump in with both feet. In the toughest of times, and both admit there were innumerable instances early on, neither never lost sight of a promise both made to each other – I can’t promise you a perfect relationship, but what I can promise you is that if you always make an effort, I will never leave you.

“Our two boys are ages nine and five. When they get older and encounter rejection from someone they’re interested in, I’ll be able to tell them in detail how me and their mother went from classmates to soulmates,” Carlos said. “Everyone endures adversity in a relationship. I knew from day one that we were not immune from it. Our mindset, however, was, ‘if we can survive the tough chapters early on, the next chapter and the ones afterward will be a cakewalk.’”  

Of all the decisions that Roderick Morrow has made throughout his life, marrying his best friend Karen two decades ago, by far, is the greatest. The two met in the neighborhood when they were in elementary school. By the time they were teenagers, they were sitting together on the school bus every single day.

When the two Fayetteville State University graduates got married in 2002, their combined annual income was very minimal. As they put it, “we were both broke and stressed out.”  

Because Rod’s parents routinely set an example of what a healthy, happy marriage looks like, he knew that those tough days with Karen would not last forever. “My parents had two different ways of communicating, and I learned a lot from them, both separately and together,” he said. “Sometimes when they fought, I’d listen to both of them on their own. And that taught me a lot about compromise, sharing your feelings and respecting other people. The main thing they taught me was being there for each other has to come first and foremost or nothing else will work.”

So much has changed since Karen came into Rod’s life, but one thing has been a constant – the mutual feeling of patience and acceptance. Five days a week, the Morrows host the award-winning podcast “The Black Guy Who Tips.”

For me, Rod said, love means making a commitment to taking a journey together. Personally, added Karen, I feel that love is patience, love is kind, love is being gentle, love is caring and being supportive. Love is a continual action, expressed the Morrows, and a verb that you must choose every single day.

Don and Carolyn Shovely did not meet as teenagers. By the time their lives crossed paths, both were in their mid-20s and had already been to college. The couple, which will celebrate their 47th wedding anniversary in October, ironically met at a wedding in Richmond in 1973.

 “We wanted to grow to love each other because we felt it would be a lasting love and not an instant feeling that comes and goes,” Carolyn said. “We discovered things about ourselves that helped to solidify what we had was a life forever love. As we grew as individuals, our love also grew.” The Shovelys, who live in Roanoke, are the parents to two children and the grandparents to two. 

Both Christians, the Shovelys favorite verse for a biblical marriage is Ephesians 4:32: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

Forty-seven years of marriage is no small feat, and it’s a milestone that most couples will never reach. “For us, love means ‘a oneness’ but equally separate,” Don, who is a minister, said. “We are forever dedicated to our love and committed to each other, yet we also recognize that we must also remain individuals.”

 
Rob and Karren Morrow

Don and Corolyn Shovely

Curtis and Judy Brown



Don and Corolyn Shovely